How to help yourself when Bereaved and in Grief (Shock, Anger, Numbness, Desperation)
Be gentle with yourself. in Bereavement Its vital that you do not expect too much from yourself. Give yourself permission to be disorganised for a while. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.
Care for yourself physically. Lack of sleep and nourishment may mean that you are more prone to infections and illness, so eating little and often and getting rest if at all possible are both important.
Exercise like Deep Breathing is a must. If possible do some form of exercise, even if its only a gentle walk.
Avoid alcohol.During Bereavement and Grief reliance on alcohol may help temporarily to dull the pain, but in the long run it does not help, in fact it will just make matters much worse.
Avoid sleep medication. Its not advisable to rely on sleeping pills for any length of time. In the first few days, they may help you to get to sleep but your body and mind need to adjust naturally to bereavement and sleeping pills may inhibit this process.They can also become addictive.
Be kind to yourself. Try to do one thing extra for yourself each week,
Deal with your feelings. Write down all the feelings that are in your head, especially before going to bed, as this may help you to sleep better. Sharing the pain with other members of the family can be helpful, but they too may have their own pain and may not want to hear your story repeatedly. A good friend who is not so emotionally involved maybe prepared to listen. If this is difficult then there are support groups that can help.
Recall happy memories. Remembering the good times with the person who died can be painful but healing. Looking at photographs, making a memory book and keeping meaningful mementoes may help.
Do not rush to dispose of belongings. Rushing to get rid of your loved one clothes and possessions, even if you are persuaded by friends to do this, in not necessarily useful. Best when you feel ready. You may want to keep an old jersey which still reminds you of your loved one is special smell. This is normal. I
Take things slowly during Grief and Bereavement. Making big changes such as moving house, starting a new relationship or changing your job should be delayed for at least six months. You have suffered a huge loss, and need to adjust to that change in your life first.
How long does Grief last?
Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer because each of us is different. Recovery time may take months, a few years or even longer. Our friends may think we should have got over it by months, but this is an unrealistic,unreal expectation. A severe physical wound takes time to heal, and so it is with Bereavement. However, the acute pain you feel in the beginning will lessen and life will gradually seemless bleak and meaningless.
Continuing bonds with the loss of the person,daughter or son
Previously, it was thought that the purpose of Grief was to sever ties with the dead person so that new attachments and a new identity could emerge. New we want to maintain bonds with the dead person and is healthy. Many bereaved people are afraid of forgetting their loved one, believing that that special person will fade into insignificance and be forgotten.
Bereaved parents may find this especially difficult. Their lost child will remain a big part of their lives forever, and they will probably still talk about him or her, even to strangers, if it fits into the conversation.
Remembering anniversaries is important. Most people say the thought of the day is worse than the day itself. As you�ll bethinking about the person, make an occasion of the day by going to a place you enjoyed together, going to the grave and having a quiet time of reflection, listening to music that you and your loved one enjoyed, lighting a candle fort he person who died or asking people who knew the person for a meal, suggesting they each bring a contribution.